What really matters …

It’s a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his
burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: “What are you working on?”
Rabbit: “My thesis.”

Fox: “Hmm… What is it about?”
Rabbit: “Oh, I’m writing about how rabbits eat foxes.”

Fox: “That’s ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don’t eat foxes!” Rabbit: “Come with me and I’ll show you!”

They both disappear into the rabbit’s burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.

Wolf: “What’s that you are writing?”

Rabbit: “I’m doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves.”

Wolf: “you don’t expect to get such rubbish published, do you?”

Rabbit: “No problem. Do you want to see why?”

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.

Finally a bear comes along and asks, “What are you
doing?

Rabbit: “I’m doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears.”

Bear: “Well that’s absurd ! ”

Rabbit: “Come into my home and I’ll show you”

Scene : As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.
Moral of the story : It doesnt matter how bad your performance is, what matters is whether your boss likes you or not.

 

Workout …

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight,built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, ” Big John doesn’t pay!” and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn’t argue with Big John, but he wasn’t happy about it. The next day the same thing happened - Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next.

This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.

By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what’s more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, ” Big John doesn’t pay!”

The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, ” And why not?”

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, ” Big John has a bus pass.”

Moral of the story: Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one.

 

Message for Alcohol Drinkers …

Steve came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. “Who the hell are you? and what are you doing in my bedroom?”.

The mysterious Man answered, “This isn’t your bedroom and I’m Jesus”.

Steve was stunned “You mean I’m dead!!! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t said goodbye to my family….you’ve got to send me back straight away”.

Jesus replied “Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.”

Steve was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. “This ain’t so bad” he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, “So you’re the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?”

“It’s not so bad” replies Steve, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”. “You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “don’t tell me
you’ve never laid an egg before”.

“Never” replies Steve.

“Well just relax and let it happen”

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him…ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting “Steve, wake up you drunken bastard, you’re shitting on bed, you moron”.

Moral of the story :- If you want to stay clean, stay away from alcohol.

 

Cracked Pot …

A water bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck.. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. I am ashamed of myself, and because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.

The bearer said to the pot, Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side that’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you’ve watered them.

For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house

Moral of the Story : Each of us has our own unique flaws. We’re all cracked pots. But it’s the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. “You’ve just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them. “

 

Her way or No way ..

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, If after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question was: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, And to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, He accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: The princess, the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, For only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high as the witch was famous through out the Kingdom >>for the exorbitant prices she charged. The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, The most noble of the Knights of the Round Table, And Arthur’s closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one tooth, Smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden, But Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life. And the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered. Arthur’s question thus: “What a woman really wants?” She said, “Is to be in charge of her own life.” Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth. And that Arthur’s life would be spared. And so it was. The neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom. And Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, She would henceforth be her horrible and deformed self only half the time. And the beautiful maiden the other half. “Which would you prefer? She asked him. “Beautiful during the day … or at night?”

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, But at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch! Or, Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day? But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy with?

(If you are a man reading this…) What would YOUR choice be?
(If you are a woman reading this?) What would YOUR MAN’S choice be?
What Lancelot chose, is given below:
BUT… make YOUR choice before you read on any further.
Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question, He said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time. Because, he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Moral of the story :

1) There is witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is!
2) If you don’t let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly.

IT’S EITHER “HER WAY” OR IT’S “NO WAY” !!!

 

Focus …

Case 1
When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn’t work at zero gravity (ink won’t flow down to the writing surface). To solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C. And what did the Russians do…?? They used a pencil.

Case 2
One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soapbox, which happened in one of Japan’s biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soapbox that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly! line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soapbox went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem.

Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soapboxes hat passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent a whoopee amount to do so.

 

But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soapbox passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Moral: Always look for simple solutions. Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problems. Always focus on solutions & not on problems. So the end of the day the thing that really matters is HOW ONE LOOK INTO THE PROBLEM and Resolve early.

 

Hearing Problem …

A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and s o on until you get a response.

“That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.” then in a normal tone he asks, ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?” No response. So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is
about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Again he gets no response so; He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Again there is no
response. So he walks right up behind her.

“Honey, what’s for dinner?”

“James, for the FIFTH time I’ve
said, CHICKEN!”

Moral of the story: The problem may not be with the other one as we always think, could be very much within us..!

 

Poor Chap …

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed observing
his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in
the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off, he asked her
what she’d like to have for her Birthday

I’d like to be six again, she replied, still looking
in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made
her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took
her to Six Flags theme park.

What a day ! He put her on every ride in the park; the
Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster
Roller Coaster… everything there was. Five hours
Later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head
was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered
her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop,
and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous
adventure ! Finally she wobbled home with her
husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and
lovingly asked, Well Dear, what was it like being six again?

Her eyes slowly opened and her _expression suddenly changed.
I meant my Dress Size, you dumb ass!

The moral of the story:

Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it wrong!

 

 

Self-Assembly

Last night I was discussing Self-Assembly with a friend of mine, who is working on Magnetic Logic Processor these days. He was busy writing n optimizing a Genetic Algorithm for self wiring in MRAM’s using magnetoresistance.

Inspired by nature we often tend to model the building blocks of any sophisticated technology. One can compare a wheel with a new leg, machine with a more efficient hand, a proposed theory of Neural Nets trying to simulate a human brain. A robotic vision somewat is trying to cope up with recognising objects. What more is left to explore ? Scientists never say die, the passion, the search is on. One of my friend, a researcher is dealing with organisation of nanoparticles to find ways to assemble in specific shapes, sizes or orientations. Earlier it was dealt in terms relating to viruses and proteins, polymers, molecules, semiconductors n metals. These days researchers are looking out for efficient ways to make microscopic machines, and faster n efficient electronics(say MRAM) which is based on Self-Assembly in hopes of putting things together with natural ease.

Introducing nanotechnology to future chip manufacturing, organizing key issues n putting them in context effieciently explains how the technologies copulate. The idea itself excites me. The future is gonna be great. What do u think ???

 

The computer is personal again …

Today’s computer is shunted on three things.
1. Processors - manipulate computations
2. RAM - which retrieves info in quickly in realtime while pc is turned on.
3. Magnetic Disks - which store info when compu is shut

To facilitate the solution to problems created by volatile RAM chips, researchers are working on something they call MRAM (Magnetic Random Access Memory).

MRAM is based on magneto resistance n started back in 1950s but was overtaken by silicon chips due to performance, compactness n cost-effectiveness. Now researchers have found a way for single MRAM element to act as any of the four logic gates - AND, OR, NAND, NOR. Computer processors manipulate information by sending signals through logic gates. Future magnetic logic processors will contain many programmable magnetoresistive elements unlike today’s processor which has hardwired circuits that are dedicated to one type of logic operation. Today’s processor is optimised for different tasks - running a car brake system or running a personal computer by arranging these logic gates in certain order. Jus think the ease of getting it programmed on the fly can do so many wonders.

MRAM (Magnetic Random Access Memory) is fast compared to RAM chips, n is also non volatile, which means that it retains info even when computer is turned off. Researchers from Germany say that it is also possible to use MRAM for computational stuff. Since the memory is configurable, computing circuits formed from it can be adjusted in realtime to optimise processing for a particular application. This reprogrammability n non volatility feature is expected to increase the computational efficiency for all kinda processors relating to the work done on them. Your computer will learn bout what applications you use often, n the optimize for running of that particular process in real time ie. straight what HP states in its commercial. Your computer is personal again. MRAM is expected to hit the market next year. I ll try n get my hands on a copy when that happens.